This is something I always have in the back of my mind. I hope and pray that it never happens to our family. We've been lucky at our current assignment, at least for the last two years. My husband's trips out of town consist of forays to Ft Bragg and DC and a few places in between. He stays gone maybe a few weeks to three months at most. We have been lulled into complacency. At his new assignment, it will be back to a combat unit, back to a unit that deploys, back to the heartache and sadness of visiting the spouses of fallen warriors, back to the worry and stress...it's not a matter of if but when. I am absolutely dreading it. For many of you, you are right there, right now. We always hear of the troubles spouses go through, trying to keep their financial house in order...to tell you the truth...I never thought of the flip-side, especially after some of the changes that have been put in place.I read an article on Friday from the New York Times, entitled - Military Kin Cop with Loss and Gain. I'd like you to stop and read it. Did you know the military has increased the death benefit from a few thousand to $100,000? Many of you already know that life insurance amounts have increased. There is also more help available with housing, education and medical care...more than ever before. You are even provided with the help of a financial advisor, to come up with a plan for your future as well as your childrens'. According to the article, only a small percentage of widows take this advice. Many widows end up blowing through all the money....I have seen it happen myself....many are also looked at as a cash cow by relatives coming out of the woodwork. Can you imagine that? I guess money can bring out the best and the worst in people! That is just unbelieveable!
What can you do now to put yourself ahead, should you ever find yourself in such a situation? Follow the steps below. I can honestly tell you, if I am ever meant to be in such a situation, I want to make sure my family is taken care of.....that I am independent enough to run the household, that I am aware of what the Army and our government owes me, that I look out for my childrens' well being and that I can grieve and reflect on my own time...and dime, without any distractions.
Be sure to understand each of these points:
- Know where everything is. Know where all your financial records are to include your wills, insurance policies, bills, car titles, home records, mortgages records and anything that is of importance to you and your family. I personally run the finances in our house. It's just easier when my husband comes and goes all the time. This gives me the confidence too, to know where we stand financially and there can be no surprises for us. I also have my husband tell me (and I tell him should something happen to me), what means something to him from our household junk. My husband is a stamp collector and has many thousands of stamps, but I can still pick out which collections are dear to him, and which ones I can then pass on to his children.
- Set yourself up to be financially secure should the inevitable happen. The $500,000 life insurance from SGLI and military death benefit just won't be enough to sustain you over the long haul. I want to be able to do what I want and when I want, without having to worry about where the money is coming from. You can replace your husband's income and live off the interest from his life insurance if you purchase ten times his income. Please make sure it is term life insurance and not one of the other products insurance agents peddle. Shop around and make sure the policy is the right one for someone in the military. For example, you want the policy not to have a war exclusion cause! Because of my husband's high risk job, I have only found one company that offers this benefit at a reasonable price. Be sure to read about it here.
- Become familiar with your military benefits. You will also be assigned a casualty assistance officer who will help you navigate through all the red tape.
- Know that there are some books written on the subject. I didn't even know this myself. The best one out there is
Military Widow: A Survival Guide by Joanne M. Steen and M. Regina Asaro. There are also some others out there that cover other aspects of losing a loved one. As much as I don't want to wish something like this on anyone, I do follow the mantra of trying to be prepared...not so much for my benefit, but for my children.
- You can find support and others who have gone through similar circumstances. One great thing about being military, is the comradiery of the spouses. Visit the Society of Military Widows. There you can find support and comfort from others...just like you. They even have a new widow checklist on their site. It's great to have family and friends too, but it just isn't that same as what you can get from others who are in your situation.
- Vow to be a part of your family readiness group. I can honestly tell you...I've been lucky to have been a part of some solid groups in the past. If you have an active group of spouses, they can easily organize themselves into a support system for that widow. Years later, I met up with a widow again at an Army Ball function (she gets invited every year), and she told me she would never forget the meals, the laundry and household being taken care of, the children being driven to school and everything that was done for her. She didn't realize it until later, how helpless she was, and she said without our support, she doesn't know if she'd ever have gotten back up again. Now, I will never forget what she told me and vowed to make sure my next family readiness group is close and has a plan. This is something you can do now too.
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